Lets start this story from the beginning. Many stories, told by most people don't always start there. El Palacio De Los Jugos. This place is a dream. They have some random foods there in a few different spots, we went there for the juices. We didn't really know what to expect. Let me tell you, we were overwhelmed with happiness. They have so many fresh squeezed juices. Many fruits that we can't get in LA. It was wonderful. We all enjoyed some juice and though we were tempted by the lechon, we went on our way to Mr Taco.
Yelp, wow! This place has 8 reviews and they are all 5 stars. I guess they could only find 8 friends or family members to lie for them. This is a mockery of Yelp.
This might get a bit rough, don't read anymore if you don't want to hear the horrible truths I'm about to lay on you about this place.
So this is the menu, looks simple, aside from the menudo, how could they really screw this up? We were excited. It looked legit. Small truck, neat signage. We were taking pictures, trying to figure out what some of the meats were that Josh, Phil and I didn't know. We were happy the Jen Pollick was on her virgin Tacoteering adventure. The excitement ended there. I ordered 7 tacos. Yes 7. Matt ordered three tacos. There were things that I've never heard of. When we would ask, we were getting some strange answers. Most of the items, like "res" was just "cow." Cesina, apparently not to be confused with Cecina (which is salted beef deliciousness) was some "mixed" meats. By mixed meats, they would put some kind of a sort of beef with chorizo. Cheap chorizo. The "lengua" was disgusting, the "tripa" was inedible. I can't tell you what anything else is or was, because it doesn't make sense. All the "meats" were the same. All the "meats" were "mixed." Phil ordered a burrito de pollo and it seemed very, um well, yeah. Josh got some tacos and yeah. Jen got the tacos dorados. How can you screw those up right? Don't worry, these masterminds found a way to do it. These things were about 8 inches long and there was meat in about 3 1/2 inches. Nasty.
I blame me. I totally blame myself. I ordered first. The guy there asked if I wanted "everything" on my tacos. I said "yes, cilantro y ceballos." He then goes to put something on, I stopped and asked what it was, he said "lettuce." Wait, COMO WHAT? Lettuce? On a street taco? Are you serious? Are you messing with me? This guy then puts on onions, cilantro and tomatoes, fine whatever, I'm dying for tacos, I'm hungry, I still am blindly anticipating something delicious. Failed in every which way shape and form. These guys even got confused and made Matt's order twice? They tried to give it to him twice! Then they argued that he didn't already have it. I will say that the guy working there then told us we could have the "extra" tacos for free. They had lettuce and tomatoes on there! Seriously, why didn't you just add cheddar cheese and sour cream??? Then this dude tries to tell me that the "white sauce" is too hot to eat? Seriously, do you know who you are talking to? It wasn't even that hot. By the way, you are a taco truck, sell salsa, not "sauce." Idiot!
I can't believe that I'm going to say this, but I mean it. I really, really wish that I had gone to Taco Bell for tacos tonight over this place. I would have rather had a soft taco supreme with their almost ground beef than gone to this horrid truck. I never thought I would say that. I'm not a Taco Bell "hater," but it's not tacos. It's not a bell. It is what it is, but it is so much more appealing, tastier, and all around better than this junk truck. I haven't been to TB in some time, this place made me miss it for the first time.
The place is 8pm or after always, how do you not want to go? How can they destroy tacos? Why would they do this? I feel dirty, violated and cheated. This is a crime. I seriously considered calling the police to shut them down for calling the criminal things they put on a plate tacos. Damn, these guys are not good people.
We paid and left angry. Very angry, very disappointed, very upset. On our way back to the hotel, we started speaking about El Palacio De Los Jugos. Well, we went back and got more delicious fresh squeezed juice. The juice was amazing, but it sure did not calm me down. I hope that time can heal this deep womb. If hours pass, maybe the hurt will lessen. Please, keep Josh, Phil, Matt, Jen and me in your thoughts, we went through a lot tonight. I'll be burning on this one for quite a while.
Thank you everyone for reading. Trust me, we took a few bullets for anyone who might have stumbled upon this place. I appreciate the reads, follows, re-tweets and re-posts of this blog. Please keep it up! Please do me one other favor, don't lie on Yelp, it is not a nice thing to do.
I can't deny anyone of the goodbye/gratuitous photo. Josh got a great picture of Jennifer Pollick. She is a great girl that I get to work with and one of the trainers at the opening we are doing at The University of Miami. She works out of our Home Office and rocks. Here is Jen eating this horrible food. She can't help herself, her nickname is BIG HUNGRY. She has quite the voracious appetite. This is her doing her thing and eating, it is an animal in its natural habitat, go Big Hungry, get it!
Stay Excellent!
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