Los Tapatios, Lennox, CA

When you walk in, this is what you see.  A nice meat display, this is a pretty cool looking butcher shop.  I think this just heightens my frustration.  The meat that they have looks great.  Variety was pretty incredible, especially for such a quaint space.  If you haven't gotten the tone, the vibe yet, the tacos sucked.

I know, you are asking, how bad was it.  It was horrible.  It felt like my taste-buds were being punished.  Most everything was horrible.  The food was no bueno.  Aside from the company, the jalapenos were good.

The best part about this blog is probably going to be the pictures, because the food sucked.  The location, the photos, the Yelp all gave this place some promise.  Sadly it ends there.  Not the pictures, I have some salsa porn to share with you, but the ratings are going to suck, hard...

So the menu is, well, um, yeah a bit disjointed, but looked promising.  The broken sign doesn't  bother me, I think it adds some character.  They have too much for them to handle.  Yeah, the menu is too big for them.

This is the kitchen that makes food that sucks.  I just wanted you to see it first hand.

This is the unimpressive, flavor wise, salsa bar.  Enough of the pictures, its time to get to business:
RATINGS:
ASADA: 3, this was OK.  If I was trapped in this taco hell again, this is probably the only thing that I would order.
PASTOR: 1, you broke my heart.  Putting a ton of citrus on dry pork does not make it pastor, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
LENGUA: 2, flavorless and not exciting in anyway.  You can add salt to poorly boiled meat...
CHICHARRON: 1, a very under-cooked, unappreciated meat here people, it makes me sad.
PIERNA: 2, this was dry and flavorless.
CHICKEN: 2, here's the shocker, dry and flavorless...
JALAPENO: 4, this was the second best part of the trip. My company was obviously the best, but these were pretty tasty.  I think they are the only way that I was able to get through these tacos.
SALSA: they get a 4 on variety, a 3 on flavor.  PRESS THE LIMITS GUYS!  They need to be more bold in their flavor, really any bit of boldness would be appreciated.

Do you understand how I feel about the food?  Is there a question?  Is there anything left to ambiguity?  I sure hope not!  I feel it's clear.  If it is not, let me re-explain.  If you are by there, run in, grab those delicious looking jalapenos and run out and go somewhere better.

Chicken stock on the sope.  This excited me.  You would think this adds flavor, you would think this would make it a moist treat.  Not the case, chicken still was dry, the cheese tasted old and dry and I was beyond unimpressed.  That is so sad to me, I love sopes.

Thank you to anyone and everyone for reading.  Please keep spreading the taco word.  Get people to read.  Let them know where to go, or in this case where not to go!!  Shoot me messages of places you want me to check out, if you love the place, hate the place or if you want me to try it first because you are scared.

I hope you agree the pictures are the best part.  I just don't feel like Nicole and I deserved such a poor taco experience.  You should drive Chef Zadi's restaurant if you are planning on going to this one and eat his delicious tacos I wrote about in my last blog.

Nothing could be obvious in this blog than the message I've echoed in blogs for quite some time.  It doesn't matter where you eat, but who you get to do it with.  I sure got a BIG win in that department.  Nicole Merizalde is a great friend and colleague.  She's a really cool chick that everyone she meets wants to connect with.  She is a heck of a Tacoteer and I appreciate knowing her.  Obviously today's goodbye/gratuitous photo is of her making her way back over to our table.

Stay Excellent!

Loco, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

I know what you are thinking, yes, this is my first Asian, blog.  Loco is a joint that we stumbled upon in Kuala Lumpur.  Yes, we were out searching for tacos.  I mean, we'd been here for two days, we have to do some Tacoteering.  There is a place that we've heard we have to go to, I've been reading all about it, but that would have required transportation other than our feet.

This is the inside of the restaurant.  They were proudly advertising a pool table upstairs.  They had a number of infused tequilas advertised on a chalkboard.  I stuck with the watermelon water, that was a for sure mistake as it was not very tasty.  Under our table they had some incense going, it was not the most pleasant smell and did not make me want to eat more food.  The place carries only Tabasco for hot sauce.  I don't blame them for the lack of sauces, it is a KL thing.  They are lacking in the hot sauce department.  They are missing out on some great stuff.  They have a chipotle salsa at this restaurant, might have been the best thing that I had here.  It was pretty tasty, spicy, balanced, good.

STOP

We needed to interrupt for a moment and let you enjoy a picture of Josh and me Tacoteering.  I know what you are thinking, "damn these two guys are hot."  Thank you, we are modest and appreciate the staring and glaring, we don't mind the gawking.  It's all good take a moment, soak us in.  Josh's birthday is this week, does he look older?  I don't think so, he still has his youthful glow.

The menu is pretty cool.  There is a good variety, they do try to hit the Mexican dishes.  They do stray off the path a bit and hit some other Latin dishes, but we will absolve them from sin on this one.  We stuck with the street tacos.  We had to try to go with what the Order of the Taco and participants are getting everywhere.  Looking at the menu, don't be alarmed by pricing.  Remember that the prices are in MYR, not dollars.

Table set-ups are pretty neat.  They have the napkins set to look pretty, heavy silverware and the table tops themselves are pretty rad.  I think the decor did a nice job of matching Kuala Lumpur and their overall "Mexican Theme."
RATINGS:
BEEF: 2, not a fan.  No flavor depth, pretty boring and the pieces were so unevenly cut, but they tried to make it look uniform.
CHILI CON CARNE: 3, I don't really know what this was.  I know what chili con carne is, but I don't know what this thing really is.  It was not bad, it almost tastes like mutton, but wasn't.  It gets a 3 because it is unique and something that you should try if you are Tacoteering in Malaysia.
DUCK: 2, a bit sad while eating this one.  I love duck.  I love duck out here in Malaysia, but this duck was not too tasty.  It was tough, but still shredded, the flavor was lacking.
LAMB: 3, oh the lamb out here.  It is a real treat.  It tastes so good.  They don't get higher because it was so far off the reservation from how it would be cooked South of California.
PRAWN: 3,  there was no way I was shying away from the prawn taco.  I was expecting a larger prawn, instead there were a few small prawns in the taco.  It was cooked excellent and the tastes were just on point.  Smooth and good.
CHIPOTLE SALSA: 4, this was some pretty good stuff.  It had a light smoky flavor with a soft smell.  It kicked you a little in the front but finished smooth with a little tingle at the very end in your throat.

Kudos to these guys for hitting local fare.  They made sure that the offerings line up well with the food that the locals would eat, but still try to go true to what the tourist would want.  Flour tortillas, yeah, I'm still not a fan.  I mean, they have their place, but not on a street taco.  These were really thin flour tortillas, and I did kind of like them, but NOT FOR STREET TACOS.  Man, this is burning me up still.  I don't get all the "stuff" they put on the tacos.  If you want to call it street tacos and put words like Tijuana on the menu, then make a true street taco.  Call it something else if you want to make it with all this kind of stuff like corn, tomato, sauce, lettuce and whatever else was on this thing.  Side note, there is corn in darn near every dish out here, but NO corn tortillas, not even in the grocery store, these poor souls are missing out on a gift.

The background had a VHS quality recording of music videos from the 90's.  It was not much of my speed.  The place was clean, the staff was a bit aloof, but very polite and nice while we were there.

Thank you to everyone reading, we are going to try to hit another place here in Malaysia soon before I get back to the US.  Please tell your friends, show them the blog, re-post, re-tweet.  If you hate this thing, tell the people you don't like.  All publicity is appreciated.

Today's goodbye/gratuitous photo is of the Petronas Towers.  This is the view that I have from my hotel room at night at the Istana Hotel in Kuala Lumpur.  It is not the worse thing to see before you go to bed at night, but sure isn't as majestic as the picture of Josh and I above!

Stay Excellent!

El Taquito, Miami, FL

Miami, round one was pretty disappointing.  Before we get into that, look at Matt hiding in the back of this picture.  He's so excited to go Tacoteering with us.  Yes, he did great and as always, I'm proud of him.  Kind of sad, Josh, Matt and I are back at it, Phil on his way to join us, but Fo is sitting this one out.  Fo is hiding in Georgia.

This is the entire restaurant.  Quaint, nice looking joint.  A few bar-stools to sit on that surround the tiny inside perimeter.  It works.  It is great for Miami, Coconut Grove.  You can grab your food fast and move on to the beach, or in our case back to work.  This place shows so much promise.  Simple operation, executable menu, heck of a location.  They failed, miserably.

Menu showcases an ease of execution.  I was a bit put off in the beginning when they don't have Cecina.  Menu isn't that big, don't be short when you have so few items.  If you are, apologize and have a reason.  The two guys working, did not seem to love it.  It is really obvious that they did not want to be there.  It really showed in the food that they were not into it.  We remained optimistic and ordered.  The encouraging part was the guy in the khaki shorts in the picture above had been in before and was getting a pretty large catering order, thought we might be on to something special.

Matt and I are there ready to order.  Josh was getting a bit of a birds eye view.  I'll stop beating around the bush.  PASTOR!  It broke my heart.  I am angry.  I wanted to start throwing chairs and screaming at them for bastardizing pastor.  It offended me.  You'll see below that this is a 1 on the rating scale.  It might be some of the worst pastor that I've had, ever.  I beg you to not go near their pastor.  You deserve better.  If you are reading this, you know you deserve better.  I'll continue the search in Miami.  I'll take that burden on my heavy taco shoulders.
RATINGS:
POLLO: 1, this was dry with no flavor, not taste, nothing.  It was just really weak.  It was also overcooked.  Yeah, no bueno.
ASADA: 2, this was just overly unimpressive.  It was just blah and there.  No real flavor, no real taste, just kind of there.  Bummer...
PASTOR: 1, this done pissed me off.  It was dry, it had no depth, really not much flavor.  It was almost forced.  The lack of care put into this was bad.  You can't put some seasoning and spices on pork and try to pass it off as pastor.
CARNITAS: 3, pretty standard.  Moist, flavorful, tender.  It was good, but did not set itself apart from the pack.  Not bad, not great.
CHURRASCO: 3, first time encountering and this was good.  I think from what I've read about it, well, not think, I know I could make it much better.  It had some nice flavor and the onions that were grilled with the meat was on point, nicely caramelized.

I think the fact of the matter is that the presentation sure outdid the taste.  It was cool packaging?  I like the boat with the tacos thrown in there.  It was cool to have Matt and Josh just getting work done and then getting some tacos eaten!  Churrasco.  Had never really come across this on my travels.  I'd say that so far I'm a fan, but am still skeptical.  This might have been the best thing that they did at this place, so keep that in mind if you go.

As always, thanks for reading, please tell people, re-tweet, re-post, get the word out about tacos and how we attack them.  I'm in Miami for a bit, send some suggestions, we are out on the prowl!  We are going to continue the search so you know where to go and where to get pastor.  You know that you need it in your life.

Today's goodbye, gratuitous photo is of a tree.  It's the tree that we parked below when we went to get our lunch.  It was a large beautiful tree, we were just so entertained watching people stare at it and take pictures.  I figured I'd take a picture and put it on here to say goodbye to you.

Stay Excellent!

Fiesta Hut, East Rutherford, CA

New Jersey, you just did it to me again.  I just do not have much good luck with New Jersey Tacoteering.  I often at least have great company, but flew solo tonight.  Fiesta Hut has been on my hit list for a bit.  It is closed Monday's, which is why I missed it last time I was out here.  I was surprised on my experience after the fairly solid Yelp.  Be careful, be wary, that is a deceptive score my friends.  Seriously, I don't really know where to start.

Unassuming entrance here.  I think it bodes well when I see an enterance like this, I got pretty excited.  The excitement ended pretty shortly once I got in there.  I stood there for a good five minutes before anyone greeted me and then they told me to sit wherever I wanted to.  I took the only small table left in the restaurant and waited for a while before anyone came over.  They came by, dropped off some chips and salsa and the lady walked away.  Eight minutes later she came by and asked if I wanted anything to drink.  I ordered a water no ice.  That took another 4 minutes to get.  She walked by my table about 5 times over the next 15 minutes until she took my order.  Wow, I felt like they wanted me in there.

I had a lot of time to look at this bad boy.  I was taken back at how pricey it was for the place.  It had horrific ambiance.  No music was playing and the acoustics were an abomination.  I could hear everything every table was discussing.  The couple behind me was talking about their daughter and the extreme hatred for her boyfriend and her work decisions.  The mother and daughter a few tables over were arguing because the daughter believes that unemployment is great because she could go six months without working if her company fires her.  Her mom did not agree.  There was a family of five a few more tables away that were all on their phones and when they did talk it was all small talk referring to the normal family conversations that no one else should be a part of.  The table in the back corner was discussing how both couples were enjoying time away from their kids and how they need to get out like that more often.  The other table had a son cursing at his parents, teenager, and it was just downright sad to listen to.  There was absolutely no privacy.  It really took away from the horrible meal, but sadly, not enough.

I went off of what she reccomended for a first timer to make me want to come back again tomorrow night or Friday night.  BIG MISTAKE
RATINGS:
CHEESE ENCHILADA: 3, this was by far the best part.  It was creamy, cheesy.  The sauce was OK, but from a can.  The cheese tasted like American Cheese extra Melt.
PORK TOSTADA: 1, this might have been the worst "pork" I've had in sometime.  I love cinnamon.  If you've had my Mexican food, I often utilize cinnamon.  Especially in my beans, but they just doused this pork with it.  There was no balance.  If not for that, it might have been OK?
CHICKEN TACO: 1, first off, I ordered a corn, soft taco.  I got lettuce, cheese and boiled chicken in a fried shell.  Bummer!  It had zero flavor.  I love boiled chicken.  I usually make my chicken tacos with it, but it has flavor.  They boiled it in water, no seasoning, no citrus, nothing.  It was boring meat.  YUCKY!
BEANS: 1, no flavor, nasty, overcooked.  TO THE BITE PEOPLE!  You cooked the flavor out of it.
RICE: 1, how hard is it to follow the instructions on the box?  Really?  It was not good, lacked flavor and was strangely sticky.
TABLE SALSA: 1, this was just despicable.  The first bowl I had was crazy spicy, thought it had promise.  I asked for a second bowl, it just did not have the balance it should.  The second bowl was crazy mild, "same salsa" but tasted like ketchup.  That just made me want to gag.  DISGUSTING!!!

Doesn't even look really appetizing.  Service did not save this experience either.  Did I finish the meal?  NO WAY!  I felt like I needed to vomit, but didn't eat that much, it was not tasty, not good and not acceptable.  The menu states "Authentic Mexican Food."  Let me reiterate, they lied.

I'm sorry for all the caps and yelling in this blog, but this was about as bad of an experience as I've had.  I really miss CA.  I'm hoping that this trip can bring some redemption to my palate which is sad and hurting tonight.  I don't go to DC until Saturday morning, but am apprehensive about Tacoteering until I leave the NY/NJ area after tonight, it was that disappointing.  Oh, and to put salt in the womb, that cost $17!!!  Yeah, I had to pay $17 to have that poor of an experience.

Thank you for reading, re-posting, re-tweeting and eating tacos.  I hope that everyone has better taco experiences tonight and tomorrow than I did.  Be careful friends, there are bad tacos out there still...

Tonight's gratuitous photo is of some flowers I saw on my way to the rental car.  They were pretty and that made my beard and I happy and gave us something sweet to focus on.

Stay Excellent.

Tacos Lupita, Passaic, NJ...its a BURN!!!!!!!!!!

Five blogs in about a two week time period.  We had a bad start, a good middle, with some great and a really horrid ending.  This is bad.  If you haven't read one of my "burns" you need to decide if you are ready.  If you've never read an Order of the Taco Blog, this might not be your best virgin experience.  Here's the deal, I love tacos.  I get that some places are not as good as others.  I have minimal expectations for NJ.  I like the Garden State.  I like tacos.  Why can I not enjoy them together?  Because of places like this that suck more then a drunk coed.  Yeah, I went there and I'm probably going back there.  I've had to try to decompress with the magical voice of the King, Elvis Presley.  Today just hurt.  Work, yeah, it is tough.  I'm non stop, taking, pushing, working, not taking a break, loving it, but worn out like a dirty rag in your Yiayia's cupboard.  Warned you, there are going to be some references.  If you don't get them, go to my dictionary of terms used or ask your friends, if you have any.  Read past blogs, it might explain some of the references.

I often find myself telling people no matter how bad things are, you have to find one positive thing.  I will give it to you.  I will tell you now so that we can get back to the ugliness of this taco trip.  The training team for The Counter in Clifton, NJ.  Our training team did so amazing.  The trainees got better everyday and the franchisee here is a great dude.  We got great support from The Counter.  Alisha and Josh from CA, Bethany from FL, Matt from VA and Fo from GA.  You've seen their pics, you've heard their stories, they really stepped it up, especially in the last week.  They took opening a restaurant to the next level and took care of this crazy, grumpy, bald bear.  When I say they saved lives, I mean it.  I'm telling you they kept me calm, well, calm for being me...Taco Z.

Here's the menu of where we went:

Looks good right?  Not too bad.  Not like a filthy red light district, b player.  Yeah, I mean promising.  Look at the corner.  Yeah, that picture was pretty cool.  Even the women that were with us were checking it out.  Enough about the propaganda.

Lets talk about the journey to get there.  We took back roads from the restaurant that we work in.  I'm tired and grumpy like normal.  Trainers are literally falling asleep in the car as Alisha is driving us per the instruction of the GPS.  We didn't go to a restaurant, we went to a street.  We got there.  We had high hopes.  We had optimistic expectations.  We were all so positive.  We parked the car, put money in the meter.  The folks with us that don't normally go into these areas, so everyone but Josh and I, muscled through it.  We walked in and out of places and said no.  We wanted the right experience.  We walked by Taqueria Brenda Lee from a blog from last week and it was locked up tighter than Fort Knox.  We walked a few blocks, made some jokes, kept Bethany and Matt safe.  No one wanted to see those two delicate kids get hurt.

Amber, Nicole and I almost ate at Tacos Lupita the other day, but opted for Taqueria Brenda Lee instead.  Here's the thing, it didn't look like it would suck this much.  We were all tired, we were all starving.  We got in there and things just went down hill.

Josh started getting scared pretty early.  You can see by the look on his face.  The jute box would randomly kick on which was weird and was incredibly loud, but that is the kind of ambiance that I'm looking for.  The guy behind the counter was confused.  He was totally lost and he was a jerk.  I'm sorry, he is an asshole.  There should be no sugar coating or past tense when it comes to talking about this guy.  Alisha ordered a side of rice and beans three times and never got them, he couldn't figure it out.  We even explained it in Spanish, yeah, that was just as hard if not harder for him.  Fo's food was completely wrong.  He ordered pastor and got pollo.  Everyone had something wrong with their order except for Matt.  Yeah, I don't get it either.  It's not like we had complicated orders here, it was just tacos.

RATINGS:
LENGUA: 2, SUCKED
ASADA: 1, we are pretty sure that this was just cardboard with salt on it.
CARNITAS: 1, I don't know if they know what carnitas is.
PASTOR: 2, yucky
SALSA: 1, if you are going to make it this bad, please just buy something from the store and put it in a squeeze bottle, you have embarrassed yourself.

Here is what my food looked like:

We were all so sad that this was our last experience in New Jersey.  It was pretty heart breaking.  Bethany was so sad, we had to carry her to the car:

Josh is so nice.  Look at that winning smile.  What was the saving grace for our bellies?  Hot dogs.  The hotel had hot dogs and we all went back and we ate hot dogs.  So one last thing about this moron working at this place.  He could not give us a receipt.  Not a handwritten one, not a register one, he had like seven kinds of pointless retarded excuses.  He was so dumb.  I don't like him.  By the way, it was a HUGE rip off.  Way too much money.  I'm so sad for anyone that even has to walk near that place or drive by it.

Thanks for reading, please proceed near there with caution.  Thanks for the brave Tacoteers that risked themselves by going in there with me and enduring junk.  Thank you to everyone for reading, thanks for re-tweeting, re-posting.  Please don't forget to follow OrderoftheTaco on Instagram!  Live up to date pictures of tacos all over the US.  I'm at Newark Airport, so I may be done Tacoteering in New Jersey, then again, I may not be...

Today's gratuitous photo will depict how sad we all were with this taco experience and Bethany is here to show you:

Stay Excellent!

Los Gueros Taqueria, East Rutherford, NJ

Alright New Jersey, we came in for round one and it was not your best showing.  I will not put readers in suspense on this one.  Was it Houston bad, no, by no means was it that bad. This is no Los Angeles, no San Diego, not California, heck, not even Virginia.  Will I go back to this place?  No.  Will I give NJ another chance?  You bet I will.  They don't have a choice, I'm coming.  This is part of the beauty of all the travels.  Different tacos, different places.  This place is a converted Baja Fresh.  They took it over and turned it into a taqueria.  They have multiple locations in the area and this is their latest addition.  Easy to see this by the design.

They brighten up some of the colors which is cool.  I do like the design.  Very inviting.  If you look closely in the back corner, I'm sure you'll know why we came here.  There was mixed things said about this location, but their other locations have glowing publicity and reviews.  I think that the biggest hurdle this location has is folks were trying to get to Baja Fresh and this joint is no Baja Fresh.  Did you see it yet?  Do you know what I'm talking about?

Winner winner, Pastor for dinner!  Yes, they pride themselves on cooking on the cone.  If you don't know, then you don't read this blog, but I'm a huge sucker for pastor.  Especially when it is done right on the cone.  The melded, marinated flavors with the sweetness being pulled straight out of the meat into your mouth, yeah, I love pastor.  Does is remind me of gyro?  Yes, of course.  It is said that pastor was first made in Central America with Lebanese workers.  After the Lebanese started making their gyro rip offs when they were working in Central America and Southern Mexico, they combined the local flavors with their style of cooking.  Pastor was born.  Yeah, I tear up just thinking about the story.  OK, back this joint.  They have a salsa bar with what they say are a variety of salsas and heat to each sauce.  Their is no variety.  Everything is hot.  You know I love hot.  I love that crazy spice.  It makes me get excited, it makes me want to go back.  This place was just hot though.  No flavor, no excitement, just really spicy.  I can eat and enjoy eating just plain peppers whether they are raw, smoked, roasted, whatever, but this was just hot.  Not enjoyable, just hot.

The picture of the place looks good, but I can assure you that there is better use for kale then garnish on a sub par salsa bar.  Their really is no reason for this.  We have evolved and realized how good and good for you kale is and it was just insulting to see it on a salsa bar.  Lets get to it.

RATINGS:
CARNITAS: 2, it was just not very good.  It was not too moist or flavorful.  I was disappointed in mostly every way.
CHULETA: 2, this just had pepper on it.  Yeah, it was not good and I really was shocked at how disappointing this was.
ASADA: 3, about as run of the mill as you can get.  It wasn't bad, but I would not go back for it.
POLLO: 3, this was pretty normal stuff.  Not too good, not too bad.  Don't get excited by that three, it is really not that great.

HORCHATA: 1, yeah, this was nasty.  It was put in a big jug and looked like it was fresh made, but I can assure you that this is not the case.  It was horrid.  If it was at least rancid I could understand, but it was just really poorly made.
SALSA BAR: 2
SPICY ROJO: 2,  it gets the two instead of a one because it was really hot, but not at all enjoyable.  That made me sad.
MOCAJETE: 2, yeah, umm...
AVOCADO: 3,  it was spicy, it was ok.  The consistency was not great.  It did not blow me away.  It wasn't bad.  Basically it was the cream of the crap.

It doesn't even look that awesome, because its not!  Dude, here is the kicker.  Here is what really got me even more pissed off.  I get my bill and see that they took off the avocado and pico which is INCLUDED!  Are you serious?  You don't just take avocado off of someone's tacos without speaking to them first.  I mean damn!  Have you no manners?  Have you no integrity?  Really chaps my hide.  This place just made me unhappy in every way, except for my company.  I was not sick, but did not feel well all night.  My stomach was unsettled and I was just miserable all night from this.  What would an Order of the Taco Blog be without a gratuitous photo?

The amazing Amber Morales!  BOOM.  One of my favorite fellow Tacoteers.  Amber is a great friend, a great colleague and a hell of a Tacoteer and trooper.  We've eaten many tacos in many places in many states.  Thanks for being there and a part of the journey of a taco life Amber.

Thanks for reading folks.  Thanks for telling people via conversation and social media.  Keep it coming, keep reading.  Really, thank you.

Stay Excellent all!

Paco's Tacos, Near LAX

Yeah, I know, you've seen this place too.  I've driven by a bunch of times never gone in.  We were going to go to old faithful El Tarasco but opted for something new.  Somewhere I have not written about.  So, I went here, to Paco's.  HUGE mistake.  This place, well, yeah, it sucks.  I don't know how they were as busy as they were, and they were not that busy.

Here's the good.  They make their own tortillas, that is cool and they are delicious.  I did not have a drink, but the bar looked pretty cool and the drinks looked good.  The company was nice.  My dad was with me and we got sometime to chat and enjoy some one on one time.

As for the rest of the story, well, lets just jump into the ratings:
CHIPS: 2, they were just not very good.  Tasted like they came out of an old bag from Vons.
SALSA: 3, not bad, what you would expect.  They just get a little seasoning happy.  I love a twist on flavors.  They add clove.  That is cool, but too much clove, not cool, too bad dude, you could have been a 4.
TORTILLA: 4, they were good.  They were not amazing.  Amazing is many other places I've been to, but they were above average.  I think that they handle the dough a little too much and it caused them to be a little less fluffy then they could have been, but they were still above average.
ASADA: 1, this might have been the worse asada I've ever tasted.  It was horrid.  Really, really, really horrid.  Tough, chewy, no flavor, nasty.
PASTOR: 2, eww.  Yeah, that is my description.  Way too much aciote, too much clove and too much seasoning in general.  Again overcooked.  Don't eat it.
HARD SHELL BEEF TACO: 3, this is one of the things that they are known for.  Well, I'm sad to taste that.  It was ok.  Typical three.  Not great, not bad, not much of anything that I'm thinking about ever again in my life.
CHILI RELLENO BURRITO: 2, if you don't know, I'm a huge relleno burrito fan.  I love them.  This thing was full of broth, celery and more celery.  The pepper was not cooked correctly and the inside was not good.  They screwed up a huge favorite of mine.  Come on people, you can do better, I would think.

So there is the burrito and the taco, yeah, you can see all of the celery.  Plenty of cheap cheese that they try to mask their flavorless food under.  NOT FOOLED.  Here is the skinny on the place, it is super pricey.  You are going to drop some bucks in this joint and the service is horrible.  It might be one of the places you can go for the worst service imaginable.  They were slow, unattentive and down right rude.  While taking our order, another waiter walked up to ours, handed him someone else's check and he didn't say anything to us, walked away, processed then came back to us and asked if we wanted anything else.  Yeah, not a fan.  I love the way that they couldn't refill chips or salsa without us flagging people down over and over.  NOT IMPRESSED.

The food is all over seasoned.  They love clove and cinnamon.  They are fans of aciote.  They just drench cheap product in seasoning and spices and think that the consumer will be fooled.  We did not go rogue here.  We ordered a hard shell taco (supposedly one of the things that put them on the map), Paco's Burrito (chili relleno) and Paco's Plate.  The beans are just ok, the rice is junk.  Yeah, junk.  It is just not very tasty.  Use broth, fake broth instead of tap water?  I don't know, but they need to figure this out.  This place has been around so long, maybe it's resting on its laurels.  I can assure you I will try to avoid even driving by.  I really was just disappointed all the way around.  This is Paco's Plate:

So this turned into a burn.  Me just burning away on some place.  I do apologize that these just happen.  It was just junk.  The plus side is that I got to spend a bit of time hanging with just my dad.  It was fun to be with him.  I'm sorry that I feel like we got ripped off, I'm sorry that we had to endure that horrible meal.  I'm glad that you folks too the time to read.  I'm glad that I got to take my Order of the Taco tattoo tacoteering. Here is the link to their website in case you are bored:
http://pacoscantina.com/
This is my dad, in case you didn't know him:

I appreciate everyone who read and took the time to hear about this experience.  Please tell your friends to follow, I'm going to start getting some Order of the Taco gear going soon.  Party on everyone and Stay Excellent.

Midtown Taqueria, Houston, TX, CRISIS ALERT

 Here's the deal, if you see this place, leave the area.  Seriously, wow.  We needed a good breakfast this morning, and a pick me up after last nights disappointing Tacoteering.  Well, this place looks promising.  As we all find out the hard way, looks can be deceiving.

Houston, I repeat, you have a problem.  Not a minor problem, a major problem.  You are the fourth largest city in the US.  You have a vibrant Hispanic population.  How do you not know how to make tacos?  Do you need lessons on how to make salsa?  Do you know that when Pastor was invented not all that long ago that it was first made on a cone?  Seriously.  Get rid of your cheap steam tables, lose the judgmental, rude people that are serving your food.  Change the attitude.  When she saw me, she immediately made a taco with beef fajitas?  Really?  What a racist witch.  I never thought I'd miss San Antonio or even Dallas so much.  At least the know how to make some great tacos.  They've got some great guisado prow-less there in San Antonio.

If you haven't caught the drift, not a Houston fan.  I do have to say thanks to Houston for taking Dwight Howard, I'm a huge Laker fan, so thank you.  We didn't need him messing up our locker room anymore.  So lets talk about this place.  They were so nice to Ramon.  I get it, he is a pretty, nice, sweet, horse loving person, but don't be so nice to the person I'm with and so rude to me.  FYI, I speak Spanish lady!  Super rude and judgmental and this is not the first time here in Houston.  So we order, pay and go back to get our food from this cafeteria style lunch table.  They make their own flour tortillas, they just don't do it well.  The corn tortillas are out of a pack and not a good one.  The variety is okay, the menu is below.

So, they have tortas, I'm afraid to taste how they'd ruin those for me.  Prices were way to high.  Serious, at $1.69 a taco, I feel as if I was robbed by a tank in the middle of downtown Chicago.  Horrid feeling of loss after eating.  Did we finish our food, no, no we didn't.  Do we feel miserable still a little later in the day, yes.  The food was so greasy, the Carnitas might be the worst I've had.  It was worse then ketchup on a hot dog.  Here is the sad picture of our defeat.

RATINGS:
PAPAS: 2, no seasoning and cooked in the fat from I'm guessing the Carnitas, I love taco de papas, I am sick from how they made me feel about potatoes
PASTOR: 1, this is not okay.  This is pastor crisis bad.  I think they need to change the name of what they call this.  It was one level left of slop.  An aciote mess.  Flavors were off, meat was dry.  Please, don't call this pastor.  Pastor has a well deserved great reputation, you are ruining it.
CARNITAS: 1, again, please call it something different.  Try inedible pork, nasty greasy mess, how about ruined pig?  I don't know, but you need a name that suits and describes it better.
SALSA ROJO: 1, balance?  Not here.  This stuff sucked.
SALSA VERDE: 2, I know, the highlight of the trip was a runny, subpar salsa.

Thank goodness for Ramon.  When facing a tragedy like this, it is always helpful to have someone share in the misery and sorrow.  I'm thankful that this is not his first true Tacoteering excursion.  I apologize for my last post.  It wasn't very good.  I was tired.  Tired of bad taco experiences.  Sad from the horrible food I had last night.  Sadly, today was much worse.  Posts should be a better read, even when the food is not.

Houston, you have a problem, admit it, go to a program, learn how to cook and serve, make edible food and I'll give you another shot in the next few months.  I'm sad to report, probably won't eat tacos again before I leave today.  Thanks to anyone who is reading, stay away from Houston taquerias and Stay Excellent.

Taqueria Cuernavaca, Ventura, CA

I know, the menu looks solid.  So, my dad and I are helping my brother, who is single ladies, oh, did I mention his name is Doctor Uncle Paul?  He has a great place, walking distance from the beach in Ventura, CA.  He is a doctor of physical therapy.  He is great with kids, my three kids love Doctor Uncle Paul, he loves dogs, Buck is his dog who goes everywhere with him, except for work.  Anyways, shoot me a message, I'll guide you single ladies towards him.  Oh yeah, the tacos.  We are helping Paul move into his great new place.  We decide we are going to do some quick tacoteering.  They stay back to get the place set, I run to a joint I've been to a couple of times.  I've loved the food.  This place had the potential to be a staple for me.  As I'm sure you're all tired of hearing, I'm in the restaurant industry.  We know that we are only as good as our last shift.  We can have years of success, but a bad visit or two is detrimental to our existence.  I'm often reminded we are one bad yelp review away from being an empty restaurant.

This is Paul, Buck and my son Alexander.  Told you he is good with kids...

Here he is dressed as Robin, what a sense of adventure...

This is him celebrating Easter last year with the family.  He is in the blue shirt next to me.  PJ is with us.  We are so happy to be together.  Paul is again showboating his great family values...

Like I said ladies, he is successful and single.  Message me for more information about him!

Back to Tacoteering:

I normally have a great time at Taqueria Cuernavaca.  This visit hurt.  It hurt my soul.  It has taken me a few days to write this as I've struggled with what to say.  I have to write about my last visit.  Not the good times that I've enjoyed.  Start off, that they are rude.  They have been every time.  Food took forever, that is normal.  I got overcharged, they never fixed it, yeah, I'm frustrated.  Come on, win me over with the taco delightfulness.  This did not happen.  I'll start by saying everything was dry.  Salsa bar is still on point and pretty darn good.

RATINGS:
SALSA BAR: 3, solid.  The green avocado salsa is their best by far, giving it a 4.  Their orange is a solid 3, their Jalapeno is a 2.
PASTOR: 2, um, you normally have it coming off the cone!  This stuff was dry and not off the cone.  Your cone was empty!  Why are you wasting this genius, wonderful piece of equipment?
CHULETA: 1, if you like to eat shoe, you might like this.  It was tough and horrid.  It tasted old and was chewy.  I can't say enough bad things, normally pretty delicious.
LENGUA: 4, I will say that this was pretty yummy. Flavorful, buttery, nicely cooked.  This was by far the highlight of the trip.
CECINA: 2, I am a huge cecina fan.  I love this stuff.  I mean it is an Asada alternative that just diversifies the meat a bit, at least when it is done right.  Way overcooked and dried out.
ASADA: 2, Eww.  Let me repeat eww.  Horrible...

Here's the deal.  I think that everything is just sitting under heat lamps for extended periods of time.  I mean, really long times.  It is unacceptable.  They know how to cook, they are too focused on being a factory.  Please don't rest on your taco laurels, strive for taco greatness.  I will not be returning for a very long time, if ever.  I'll just have to find other places to go.  This is sad, you are conveniently located and I use to like going.  I write this with a tear falling from my eye.

Thanks everyone for reading.  I do appreciate it.  We are starting to get a strong following.  I love the momentum.  Please help me keep this momentum going.  Retweet, share, whatever you can do is appreciated.  We are also looking for someone to help design a logo for us.  Email me if you have some thoughts.  I'm going to make some T-Shirts.  Thanks again, Stay Excellent Everyone.